


Grift of the Magi

by Ghos-Tea (GhostJ)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A teeny Welcome to Night Vale nod, But ya’boy is hella broken, Developing Friendships, Gen, No beta we post like Critters, Pre-Canon, The Epic Adventures of Nott and Caleb, Vague Spoilers for Caleb’s backstory, You’re gonna be the best mum Nott
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 02:29:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14945897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostJ/pseuds/Ghos-Tea
Summary: “I think it’s likely that there are more protections on that piece than merely an old distractible shopkeeper, my friend.” Caleb said, ignoring the itch in his palms as he stared at the diamond on the other side of the glass.A short story about 2 fugitives, a diamond, and the trials and tribulations of trying to find (or steal) a family. Set in the early days of Caleb and Nott's pre-canon travels.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this was supposed to be ridiculous and instead became more of a serious introspective piece. The title and thought behind this came from a mention in Welcome to Night Vale ep. 121, although I’ve since found out that it’s also the name of a Simpsons episode :) 
> 
> Fair warning that I wrote / edited this entirely on my phone during a 4 hour train ride. I've since down a bit of an edit (although it remains unbeta'd). If you notice any errors, please don’t hesitate to let me know in the comments. 
> 
> I also own nothing at all to do with Critical Role or Geek and Sundry; just very respectfully and happily playing in their wheelhouse for a bit.
> 
> Lastly, I do not give permission for this, or any other of my works, to be posted on GoodReads, remixed or posted outside of Archive of Our Own.
> 
> If you like it, please consider leaving a kudo or a comment - it's always well appreciated :D

“No Nott, we cannot afford it.”

“But Caleb, it says here it’s going to be aw-awarded to the winners of the Locke festival tomorrow.”

Caleb held back a small smile as Nott looked up at him from under her hood with equal measures of pride and avarice in her yellow eyes. Caleb was constantly impressed at how quickly his little goblin shadow picked things up. Whether reading common, the small cantrips or grifts that he’d shown her, or various whatever various trinkets or shinnies, as she called them, happened into her view.

“Caleb, your face is doing that that weird thing again." Nott said, her ears visibly drawing back in distress.

“Ahh, apologies, _mein schatten_ , I was just thinking that you are a truly unique individual.” Caleb tried to keep his face impassive, as Nott was still unfamiliar with human expressions indicating anything other than fear or disgust and sometimes interpreted them wrongly.

“But if it’s on display until tomorrow, we could steal it?” Nott asked thoughtfully. “Maybe ‘A Lost Soul’? Or ‘The Count’?"

“I think it’s likely that there are more protections on that piece than merely an old distractible shopkeeper, my friend.” Caleb said, ignoring the itch in his palms as he stared at the diamond on the other side of the glass. Not wishing to waste a spell - who knew when they might next get a full 8 hours sleep - he cautiously reached out and stroked a finger across the glass, feeling a telltale tingle of magics across his skin. “No, Nott. For all that it would be quite a prize, it is not worth the risk.” 

“But Caleb,” Nott turned to argue.

Caleb sighed, although he could deny himself much, he was harder pressed to say no to Nott when she asked. For all that such a diamond would be a powerful tool for him, he’d happily place it into her claws as just one more, perhaps particularly large, shiny bauble, for all that she’d done and risked for him. Best to get them moving along before he could no longer distract her.

“Come, we should focus our endeavours on some food and a location to sleep tonight. With the festival tomorrow as you read” Caleb slowly reached down to rest a hand on Nott’s head, holding back another smile when she pressed up into it, rather like his old familiar Frumpkin. “Well, I have previously found that large crowds tend to be much less cautious when it comes to an individual’s purse...”

“You are so smart Caleb. How did you get so smart?” Nott asked as they moved away from the window, an innocent question that nonetheless spread icy coldness through Caleb’s veins.

“I - ah - I went to school for a time.” Caleb heard himself respond as he stumbled forward, his feet catching on the rough road. 

“A school? Is that expensive?” Nott asked as she eyed the passersby with interest from under her hood, almost instinctively reaching out for his hand as he’d showed her. Although he knew it was to better situate themselves in the crowd’s eyes as just another father and daughter wandering the streets on an errand, he could almost imagine that there was a measure of comfort in the gesture as well. “Is that why you don’t have any money or shinies? Before I met you, I always thought that humans had so many things.”

“Yes. My school was rather more... _expensive_ than most in the end.” He gave her hand a brief squeeze. “Now, assuming we can find it, what would you like for breakfast? And please, _mein schatz_ , do not say rat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally at a computer - did a few small grammar and punctuation edits.  
> Please let me know if I missed anything; kudos and comments as well are always appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Caleb stared down at the box in his hands - _empty, it was empty. By the empire, he’d risked it all and it WAS EMPTY._

“Caleb? Caleb, what’s wrong?” Nott’s clawed hand touched his shoulder and he flinched violently, nearly knocking into the wall of the abandoned pig pen they’d taken shelter in for the night. 

Sheiße, _she’d trusted him and he’d put her in so much danger and for what? Nothing, but an EMPTY box._

“Caleb, I need you to look at me - We need to _leave._ ” Nott gave him a brief shake.

Caleb shook his head, trying to clear it of the howl of his thoughts. _Of course, of course, Nott would already know. Would already know of his failure._

“Please, Caleb? I don’t know what’s wrong, but we _need_ to go. I- I think one of them saw me.”

“Saw you, _schatz_?” Caleb mumbled, the plain box that was meant to be holding a diamond dropping from his nerveless fingers as he began to move automatically at the distress in her voice.

“Caleb, why did you steal the box? Did we need the box too?” Nott asked as she gave the fallen box a nudge with her foot.

“The box too?” Caleb parroted back, unthinking as he quickly picked up the meagre blankets and food they’d accumulated into a tight bundle. 

_Run. Run. They needed to RUN. Somehow, they’d known that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. That he’d take the risk for such a tool. He’d put them both in such danger and all for AN EMPTY BOX._

He was tying the final knot on his makeshift pack as her words finally interrupted the endless repeat of his self-recriminations.

“Wait... _Mein schatz_ , what do you mean by _the box too?!_ ”

Caleb spun towards Nott who hissed, shushing him with one hand even as she reached into a pocket to pull out a large familiar diamond.

“Nott, you didn’t...” Caleb stared at her unblinking.

“I did!” Nott crowed happily. She schooled her face, working the corners of her lips up until she was near beaming with pride. “I used that trick you showed me and, while you were sleeping, I snuck into the shop and waited for them to move the shiny from the window and then- I stole it!”  
Then the smile dropped from her face and her ears pulled back telegraphing her distress. “But as I was sneaking out, someone else snuck in. The shopkeeper got stabbed _a lot_. Then, the other person grabbed the box and ran.  
I waited a few moments and I might have... helped myself to some of the other wares? I mean, it’s not as if the shopkeeper has anymore use for them, what with him being dead.  
But next thing I know, there’s _all_ this screaming and yelling and _crowns guard!_ and _catch the murderer!_ And they’re all chasing _ME!_ ”

Caleb’s mind spun as he listened. “And while this was happening, _mein schatten_ I, thinking I had snuck out while _you_ were sleeping, was using _Friends_ to convince, what, if we are lucky, is a member of the local Thieves Guild, and, if we are not lucky, is a hired _assassin_ , to give me the box he had just stolen from the shop.”

“But Caleb," Nott continued, moving closer so she could wave the diamond under his nose. “I just said I _wasn’t_ sleeping, I was-" 

Caleb gave a soft cry, and, dropping his bundle, fell to his knees so he could envelop her fully in a desperate hug.

“You- you aren’t mad, then?” Nott asked. “You wanted it, _right?_ ”

“ _Mein schatz_ ,” Caleb mumbled into her boney shoulder. “I’m just- just very glad you are _safe_.”

“But you _wanted_ the shiny, right? I- I got it for you, Caleb.” Nott gave him a tentative pat on the back, stabbing him slightly with diamond’s point.

Caleb drew away and, looking at a point just above one pointed green ear, said. “You should keep it, _schatz_ ; I had planned to give it to you.”

Nott seemed aghast. “But you can use it to do magics!”

“True, but there are other magics I can do and I would not take something that you wanted, my friend.” Caleb gave her one more tight squeeze before he let go, reaching to retrieve the bundle and standing up.

Nott stayed standing in front of him, staring at the gem in her hand. 

“So, you’re saying it’s _mine_?” Nott said and, with a decisive nod, she shoved the diamond into Caleb’s midriff, letting go just as Caleb reflexively clutched at it with his free hand.

“Then, I’m _loaning_ it to you. And, since it’s a loan, I can ask for it back at _any_ time. That means you need to stay; _you need to stay WITH ME._ You can’t leave, or run away or- _or die_. Since I might need that shiny back and you _have_ to be there to give it to me. Do we- do we have a deal? Caleb?”

Caleb stared down at the goblin in shock for a moment and then he nodded gripping the diamond tightly.

“Deal, _meine schatz_.”

“Good. That’s good.” Nott said decisively, moving to stand behind him. “Can you do anything _really_ cool or dangerous with it? It’s just that there’s at least 3 crownsguard on the other side of that door now and I _might_ have stabbed one of them a bit?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was literally being edited as one of my best friends started walking down the aisle. #Priorities #YouDidntPutFicOnYourRegistry?  
> (I've since did an edit on my computer - but please don't hesitate to let me know if I missed something!)
> 
> Finally, as Cecil (Welcome to Night Vale) says in ep. 121 ‘that classic comedy caper, “The Grift of the Magi”, in which two con artists run scams in order to get one another Christmas gifts, only to find that they have accidentally each stolen the money from the other.‘
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!! Your kudos and comments are always well appreciated!


End file.
